February Goal: Work on Love

Happy Thursday, beautiful readers!
Photo from inmymindandthoughts.blogspot.com/

The post you are about to read is very personal to me. I tend to not delve too much into my personal life, both here on the blog and in real life, because sharing is so hard for me. However, in the spirit of Valentine's day and the overwhelming support that I've received from some of my faithful readers, I think I want to talk a bit about my love life and one of my personal goals for this year.

To start this story I have to begin in High School. When I was 16 years old, I fancied myself in love with an upperclassman. We'll call him John. He and I were both super nerds and we ran the high school newspaper together. He was the Editor-in-Chief his senior year while i was a section editor (I was a year below him). The thing is though (and I feel a bit horrible saying this), he wasn't exactly conventionally good-looking. In fact, one could say he looked a bit... well not-very handsome. BUT he had this incredibly charming wit and a great sense of humor and to me that's just all it took - wit trumps looks any day!

One day I plucked up all the courage I could muster and asked him out and... well, he turned me down. To be fair he was very nice about it and asked that we remain friends but I was absolutely crushed. As vain as this sounds, I seriously thought that I must be so ugly if a physically unattractive guy would turn me down. I vowed that day that no matter what happened, I would never ask a boy out ever again for the rest of my life.

Flash forward eight years later - after one extremely serious relationship lasting four years and a number of flings - I find myself at a point where I'm finally able to let go of what happened. I think I was quite naive about how people are and I've come to realize that just as there are "conventionally handsome" men out there that I am not attracted to, I can't be attractive to everyone. It's nothing personal and it doesn't mean I'm unattractive or incapable of falling in love. It just means I shouldn't let it get me down. While I resented John at the time and even thought things along the lines of, "He lost his chance forever - he doesn't even know what he'll be missing!" (I was an emotional and angsty teenager), I don't blame him at all anymore. He was just being honest and I even appreciate that he told me he wasn't interested in a direct and kind manner.

That said, the damage to my self-esteem at the time was already done and in the past eight years, I have never asked a guy out or made the first move or anything! Living in the 21st century and as a self-proclaimed feminist, I decided that 2014 would be the year I change that. I decided to ask at least one boy out on a date... or at least for drinks (I need to start small!). I'm tired of living in fear and I'm tired of hiding from my past experiences. This is the year that I'm going to reclaim my self-esteem and be brave! After all, I have had boys asking me out, so I can be just as proactive as them! :]

Where will I find this person? Who knows? I'm not too concerned - DC is a big city and the metropolitan area is a big place. I'm sure someone will turn up. Until then, I will continue to enjoy learning to love myself :]

Have you any of you asked a guy out? Got any tips for a newbie?

19 comments

  1. First of all, you are gorgeous! Second of all, that's amazing that you had the courage to ask someone out! I feel like most guys are confused and mixed up at that time of life anyway! I think you can totally ask someone out! And I know this is probably the most annoying thing to say, but it will probably be when you least expect it!

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  2. This personal post on finding that someone for u had me literally going, "You go girl"! =) Thanks so much Deborah for sharing this w/ us! It's such a positive & encouraging thing to see how u're going to face ur fear, be brave, & get over what happened long time ago. And u're absolutely right, we cannot be attractive to everyone out there or get all the guys we've had crushes on to like us back… how else would we find the one, that perfect someone for us at the end of it all & on top of that life wouldn't as interesting w/ predicted experiences ;) I say, just put urself out there by going to events or gatherings & have an open mind + sweet smile. I'm pretty sure u'll have no prob at all!
    www.speakstyleandrock.com

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  3. What a beautiful post, i so enjoyed reading it, its great to get to know more about you and thank you for opening up.

    I truly believe that the most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself, and as long as you are happy and love yourself then everything else will fall into place. You have everything going for you - so beautiful,talented, stylish and i imagine very intelligent to do what you do. Just love yourself and your life!

    Have a great Vday and weekend :)

    xxxxx

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  4. I love this post, so beautiful to know more about you...and Thanks for sharing with us!
    Ciao

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  5. I love this post! I totally feel you on the self-esteem thing...I've been lacking in it my whole life. Mainly due to a horrible previous relationship, but ultimately I realize I am the one who has the final say in how I feel about myself, and whether or not I choose to be happy. Having true confidence is definitely something that takes effort. And confidence is NOT the same thing as having an ego, in my opinion. I say go for it, and in the face of future rejection continue to love yourself in spite of it. This is really lame, but I always think about the Michael Jordan Nike commercial when I'm feeling down on myself due to whatever perceived failure I've encountered in my life...be it business related or personal. I'm a nerd, but maybe it'll chime into your head next time you're feeling defeated and remind you to stay brave in the face of rejection http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA7G7AV-LT8

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    1. Thank you so much for linking me to this video - I watched it and it really put things in perspective for me! I will definitely remember this when I nervously (while faking confidence, of course) ask a cute stranger to buy me a drink :]
      I'm so glad that you chanced upon my blog and commented - I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only one who goes through bouts of low self-esteem and that we can definitely overcome it!

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  6. Deb, you're awesome. Its so great that you have become confident enough to share this with people and I think the people who follow your blog will appreciate knowing that someone else has gone through this. Having met "John" and you, I can confidently say- it is truly his lose.

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    1. You are the best - I remember you being there for me through this whole traumatizing ordeal and rolling your eyes whenever you saw him haha (and thought I wasn't looking). Good times :]

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  7. Aw, this is such a beautiful post! That's so awesome that you had muster up the courage to ask a guy out! xx
    (And I definitely think it was his loss! c;) And hey girl, don't give up--one (unattractive!) guy is not worth any pain or regret! Happy valentines day--I hope it's wonderful! <3

    <(") Hoda
    JooJoo Azad ~ Free Bird

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  8. Loved that this post because it was more on the personal side ! I think its awesome that you took the initiative to ask someone out, it definitely takes a lot of courage to do so, and really admire you for doing that. It is really his lost, so try to be optimistic and show him what he's missing :)
    Good Luck!

    Love,
    Dontcoralwithme.blogspot.com

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  9. I really enjoyed reading that :) you're writing is so honest and personal and I really appreciate that :)

    GIRL ABOUT TOWN BLOG
    LIKE MY BLOG ON FACEBOOK :)

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  10. I have not. But the tip and most important piece of advice I can give is confidence.

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  11. Lovely post! You're gorgeous, honest and charming. Asking anyone out is always hard but go for it - life's too short!! x

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  12. Wow, I really loved this post. I can relate to some of this, but I haven't asked a guy out before. I should really get some more confidence, but dating is hard and I hate doing it!

    #singleforeverrrrr

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  13. i actually admire you for asking a guy out, ive never asked any guy out. its only recently that a girl "being forward" about these things became more acceptable in my country. PH is really conservative. im glad youre having a change of heart and i really think any guy youd ask will feel flattered cause youre beautiful and a very nice person too :D

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  14. Wow, I'm so glad you shared this Deborah! That takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of that. I would be incredibly devastated and confused if I was you, but the fact that you're now able to reflect back on this moment and realize how you've grown from it, is something not a lot of people would be able to say. I've never flat out asked a guy out before, but I have initiated the "first move" before. Back in college I was seeing a guy I was head over heels for and out of the blue he basically stopped talking to me. I was soooooo hurt and jaded-so in some ways I can relate to your story. But from reading your blog and comments these past few months, you are such an ambitious, kind, and genuine person that any guy would be lucky for you to ask them out! : )

    xox,
    anna-lamode.blogspot.com

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  15. Brilliant post! I've never asked a guy out before, and I truly admire your gung-ho attitude in doing so. You make a very valid point; not everybody is attracted to everybody. I wish teenagers knew this piece of wisdom earlier on, might save for a lot of other hearts to not be broken. You're one wise gal Deborah, and I wish you luck on this new adventure of yours. Being bold definitely is a winner in my books : )

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Thank you for your comments! I read every single one :]